At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
