"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
