Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
