You work out of a Hotel?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
