I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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