Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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