she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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