Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
