Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you never un-have a 4some
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
