can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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