I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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