he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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