You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
