I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
