He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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