respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drake has all the answers
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
