if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
