They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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