would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
