have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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