i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
