He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
