I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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