Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
