If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
