Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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