I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
