I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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