We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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