best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
