the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
