i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
