Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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