I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
