apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
