Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm getting married
To pizza
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
