she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
