new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
