I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm getting married
To pizza
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
