Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
