How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
