garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
