I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
