One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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