He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
