My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
