you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
