it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
