Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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