She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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