fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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