Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
