if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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