Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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