I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
