Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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