There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
