He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
