This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
