listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
