Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
