I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
