Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
