Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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