hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
