just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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