If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
