That's intense
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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