Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize