bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
