I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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