I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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